Sitting in Silence

Sitting in Silence

For the last two weeks, I’ve actively been choosing to spend time in silence.

When I’m on a streetcar, when I’m walking down the street, when I’m waiting for the bus; I put away my headphones and turn off my phone or iPod.

I do this because I feel like I need to give my brain some breathing room. If I’m constantly subjecting it to a non-stop stream of noise and information, when will I ever just think?

If I’m consistently detaching myself from my environment, when will I ever see and hear what’s new to discover?

It’s interesting to me how active this choice has to be. It seems it’s more natural for me to plug myself in, than to just stand, sit or walk. It’s like I can’t commute without a soundtrack. I’ve lost the ability to just be alone with my thoughts. And I find that to be a terrifying.

Thinking, pondering, reflecting… all of those are vital to the idea-generating process I so desperately need to fuel my writing career.

So, I’m actively choosing to be still — to give those quirky ideas the space to float into my brain where they can hatch into something new.

 

 

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In the face

In the face

I’m faced with an avalanche. Not the real, massive snow slide of destruction. But as is typical in situations like this, running won’t do me any good. All I can do is stand strong and prepare to be overwhelmed. The breath flows in and out of my nose. I can feel the fear creeping under my skin. Maybe I should’ve said no. Maybe I really am in over my head. My lungs fill. My chest rises. I have to do this. I would never go back on my word. Even if I have to fake it, I will do this. My lungs empty. My chest falls. Maybe I can’t do this. Maybe I can. Either way its coming. Every muscle in my body tenses. They all know what to do. My instincts never fail me. And as the white comes caving in, I wonder why I can’t just trust more. Not myself. Not the circumstances. But trust something.  I reach out into the void to grab hold of nothing. Something. But it brings me peace when there’s nothing else.